ZURICH, Switzerland – Following the heated debate over officiating and VAR decisions in the recent Egypt vs Argentina match, FIFA has reportedly decided that all controversial football moments from history should be reviewed under modern standards.
The first case selected for review was none other than Diego Maradona’s legendary “Hand of God” goal against England during the 1986 FIFA World Cup quarter-final.
After a comprehensive 40-year VAR check involving enhanced footage, AI-assisted analysis, and several officials repeatedly drawing offside lines on grainy VHS recordings, FIFA reached its verdict: “The goal has been disallowed for handball.”
Officials stated that the decision was made to ensure consistency across all eras of football.
As a result, the scoreline has officially been revised from Argentina 2–1 England to Argentina 1–1 England.
FIFA further clarified that since the match was never replayed, the revised result will simply be recorded as a draw in the newly created “Historical VAR Corrections Archive.”
Sources claim that FIFA is now considering reviews of:
- Goals scored before television broadcasts existed.
- Throw-ins taken two centimeters from the correct spot.
- Celebrations lasting longer than the allotted excitement period.
- Referees’ hairstyle choices during major tournaments.
When asked whether the decision was influenced by the recent Egypt vs Argentina controversy, a FIFA spokesperson replied:
“We are committed to applying the same standards to every match, regardless of whether it happened yesterday or before some of our referees were born.”
Meanwhile, football historians are reportedly preparing for the next review, which may determine whether every controversial decision in football history should now be settled by a committee with access to slow motion and unlimited coffee.
Disclaimer: This is satire. None of the events described above actually happened.
