Kolkata: In what party leaders are calling a “masterstroke for democracy,” the West Bengal BJP Government has reportedly removed eggs from school mid-day meals after discovering that eggs are much more useful when thrown at opposition leaders than when eaten by students.
The decision was taken after a special committee submitted a 500-page report comparing the benefits of eating eggs versus throwing them at politicians.
According to the report, one egg eaten by a student provides protein for a few hours, while one egg thrown at a politician provides social media content, TV debates, newspaper headlines, and WhatsApp forwards for several days.
“We had to make a difficult choice,” said a senior official. “Should one egg help a child grow stronger, or should it help democracy grow stronger? The answer was obvious.”
The government has now created a Strategic Egg Reserve, where all eggs previously meant for school children will be safely stored for future political emergencies.
Officials clarified that these eggs will only be used when absolutely necessary, such as during protests, rallies, public meetings, or whenever a politician says something particularly controversial.
Students, however, were not impressed.
“First they removed eggs,” said a Class 7 student. “Then they told us to imagine eating them. Yesterday our teacher asked us to close our eyes and visualize an omelette.”
To address nutrition concerns, schools have reportedly started a new program called Digital Protein Mission, under which students will be shown HD photos of boiled eggs every Wednesday.
“Studies show that looking at an egg is completely free,” said an education department official.
Meanwhile, political workers across the state welcomed the decision.
“For years we depended on market prices and local supply,” said one party worker. “Now we finally have a dedicated egg stock for political activities. This is true ease of doing politics.”
The Opposition strongly criticized the move and demanded that eggs be returned to school children.
Government leaders quickly rejected the demand.
“Nice try,” said one minister. “The Opposition just wants access to our strategic egg reserve.”
At press time, the government was reportedly studying whether tomatoes should also be removed from school meals and classified as essential democratic resources.
Disclaimer: This is a satirical article written for humour and social commentary. It is fictional and not based on real events.
